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Yo, Osama!

Well, the government finally named you as a suspect, so I guess it's fair to talk about you now.  Thought you had us, didn't you?  What a laugh!  You did more to unify this country than George Washington.

See, we Americans had gotten sort of distracted.  We worried about things like lockboxes, taxes, and who was committing hanky panky with whom.  We were too stressed to reach out to one another, to sit down and talk with our kids, to call our spouses at work and tell them we loved them.  We were MUCH too busy to even think about giving blood or going to the hardware store to buy and hang an American flag.

You changed all that, Osama, you and your gang of creeps.  I met my neighbors in the park across the street tonight.  We talked quietly while everybody gathered.  Then we lit our candles and just stood there silently, holding them.  Without anybody saying anything, we walked back to our neighborhood and set them on our doorsteps.  They are still burning.  You will never be able to put them out.

See, Osama?  You think you get ticked off when someone messes with your culture, your beliefs, your country?  Just wait a minute you flea bitten miserable excuse for human DNA!  You haven't seen anything like the anger of a MOTHER who's son has to go off to defend their homeland against your cowardice and hatred. You haven't seen anything like the WIFE of a fireman, policeman or EMT who clings to hope wondering if he'll ever return from trying to help his fellowman in your moment of destruction.

You haven't seen anything like the WOMAN who will keep her family, and her neighbors family, and her best friend's family, and country's family going when hope and energy falls low.  You haven't seen anything like the good OLE GIRL who weeps tears of agony for family's she's never known or never will meet, just because she cares.

You think the American MEN are bad?  You just better thank your lucky stars that you aren't dealing with one of us American WOMEN right now.  Trust me, the men are the ones showing restraint.  I have heard the best ideas of just how graphically you need to be disposed of lately in the beauty shop, nail salon and the grocery store lines.

I've had more meaningful conversations with my teenager this week than in the last couple of years combined.  Tonight I was driving her to a friend's house when the voice of Lee Greenwood came over the radio singing "I'm Proud to Be an American."  We were stuck in traffic, and normally we would have been snapping at one another.  She started singing along softly with the radio.  I joined in.  By the second verse we were singing at the top of our voices with the windows rolled down.  People stuck in traffic on either side of us joined in.   By the time we were finally able to move a little, perfect strangers were wiping their eyes, blowing their horns and shouting good wishes to one another.

I hung an American flag on my house yesterday for the first time in my life.  I'd like to get another one, but there are no flags or anything else red, white, or blue left in any store in this town.  My daughter and I did find some white and blue ribbon in the sewing box.  Tomorrow we're going to make a huge blue-and-white bow and fasten it to the front grille of the car.

I called my husband at work today just to tell him I loved him.  I hadn't done that for a while - too busy, I guess.  It felt wonderful.  We are going to send some money to a fund to help the victims.  Tonight at the dinner table we talked about the various charities and tried to decide which one was best.  Normally we just eat and run.  It was the best dinner table conversation we've had in a long time.  We finally decided on a fund that's been set up for the children of the rescue workers who were killed in New York City.  We'd never given much thought to appreciating all they do for us before now.

My husband and I are on a waiting list to give blood.  It'll be awhile before our names come up; there are over 500 people ahead of us.  There's been a shortage of blood in this area.  I wouldn't be surprised if the blood donated all across this country eventually saves more people than you killed.  That would be a fitting memorial to those who died.

We're sticking together. Our politicians are rising to the occasion. Rudy Giuliani and George W. Bush never looked half as statesmanlike as they have this week.  Partisan bickering?  What's that?  Half the Congress stood on the steps of the Capitol the other night and sang "God Bless America."

See, Osama, you underestimated us. And maybe for too long we've been underestimating ourselves.  This is the greatest, strongest, richest, most beautiful country in the world.  Our firefighters, policemen, EMTs, and people like the ones on the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania have reminded us that we're also the bravest and most determined.

You can't destroy us, and you can't stop us.  Because we're coming, Osama.

Just thought you oughta know.  And, just to show you how good hearted we Americans are, I will end by saying THANK YOU.  Not for the lives taken, for which we now mourn, nor for the destruction, but for instilling back into the hearts of every American, young and old, black, white, red, or yellow, what we always knew deep down.  We are strong. We are brave.  We are ONE NATION, UNITED UNDER GOD.  We will overcome this as we have always overcame those moments that tested our very being.

And, Osama, I say this, all the while asking God to forgive ME, for I do not feel any compassion or have any mercy on your soul, but...may you and all your cowardly friends soon sit happily in those front row seats you have reserved in Hell.

author unknown

 


If I were President George W. Bush's Speechwriter.

Good evening my fellow Americans.

First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and all
Americans who are grieving in this tragic time. You can rest assured that
anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our country
will be done. This is the greatest country in the world and we will get
through this trying time. Now is the time for all people to set aside our
petty differences and show the world that no one or no thing can destroy
the fortitude of the great American people.

And to the people responsible for this tragedy, I say this: Are you 
kidding me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped too tight? Have you
gone too long without a bath? Do you not know who you are messing with?
Americans are so hungry to kill, that we shoot at each other every day. We
will relish the opportunity of new targets for our aggression.

Have you forgotten history? What happened to the last people that started
messing around with us? Remember those  bastards over in Japan?

We slapped them all over the Pacific and roasted about 2 million of them in
their own back yard. In America, that's what we call a big ass barbecue.
And while we were kicking butt on the Japanese, we also kicked
Hitler's ass all the way back to Berlin because nobody else in Europe could.

Ever seen Texas on a map? Ever wonder why it's so big? Because we wanted
it that way.  Mexico started jacking around with the Alamo and now they cut
our lawns. England? We sent them packing.. twice.  See a pattern yet?

Ask your buddy Saddam about messing with the good 'ole USA. The only
reason he got away the first time is because it's too hard to shoot someone
when you're doubled over laughing at them. Our soldiers aren't trained to
laugh and shoot at the same time. Now he couldn't stop a pack of cub scouts
from taking over his  little country.

Trust us, Afghanistan will end up a giant kitty litter box. Go ahead and try
to hide Bin Laden. There's not a hole deep enough or a mountain high
enough that's going to keep your camel riding asses safe. And quit
threatening us with retaliation from your government because none of you
are going to see next year.  We will bomb every inch of any country that
harbors him, his camps and any place that looks and even smells like he
was there. Hell, we might even drop a few bombs on people that have
pissed us off in the past just because we can.

This is America. We kick ass and don't take names.  We don't care who
you are.  This is what we do.  You should have brushed up on your
American history before picking a fight with us.  Go ahead, laugh and
celebrate in the streets now, but the Tomahawk and Cruise Missiles are
coming and we will roll you up and smoke your sorry asses just like
everyone else who has ever pissed us off like this.

Thank you. And God bless America!


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